someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
