Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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