it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
