Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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