Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
