Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
