Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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