it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize