I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
