Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
