So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
