he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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