Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
