When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
