I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
