I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
