I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
