when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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