Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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