I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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