you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize