you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
