garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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