I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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