HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
