I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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