I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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