Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
