so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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