I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
