i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
