Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
