My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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