He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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