he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
