You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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