i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
