No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
