He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
