We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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