he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize