Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry about my life...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
