it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everything about him screamed your future.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
