We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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