That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
