as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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