atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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