her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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