you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
