having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
