were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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