operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
