weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
