bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish you could order shots online.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
