Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
