I was the one passing out cake at the bars
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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