I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
