Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Still dying that you shit outside
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
