I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
