I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
