You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
