It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
