Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
