What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
