she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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