she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
