I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
