He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
