my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
