And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
