He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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